10 Things You Didn't Know About Snow

The east coast is experiencing extreme wind and snow levels that caused a state of emergency and a series of closed schools (yaassssssss!!!!!!). But I'm very sure that there's a lot of things about snow that you didn't know. Allow me to bestow upon you the esoteric knowledge of the mystery that is snow.

1. Snow is tiny ninja rain. You can't hear it when it's around. You can't ignore them when in packs, and they hit you like, "that was cold." It's especially painful when it seeps into a crevice and melts. 😨

2. Snow ironically makes the world a brighter place. When the sun/moon shines on a field of snow, the light shines off of it like a sparkly blanket from the heavens.

3. Some people have never seen snow (and actually want to). I don't know hot to feel about that. Part of me wishes I were one of these people. Another part of me knows that I'd want to if I hadn't. If you know someone who hasn't been touched by the ninja rain, send them here. If you are this person... keep reading.

4. Snow will make you go from laughing to crying. You'll wanna make snow men and snow angels and have snowball fights and forts and eat handfuls and bury your face in it and bathe in the snow. But after a while, life will become more of an "127 Hours" reenactment.

5. I know for sure no two snowflakes look the same. I know this because I looked up at the falling snow to investigate, and about three of them attacked my eyes at once. These ninjas take their identity very seriously.

6. Sledding is a very educational activity. A few years ago, my friends and I learned that "for rent" signs make you slide a lot faster than cardboard vacuum cleaner boxes. And if you go fast enough, you may be able to slide right through the bottom of a fence. Or get stuck. What exactly is physics, anyways?

7. Snow really makes you appreciate know what your environment looks like. Because when snow sticks, all of the features in your everyday outdoor settings will be gone. Just, invisible. ;A;

8. You can play detective in the snow. Follow footprints and find out which way the person you left yellow snow on your porch. Bet you they didn't think about that. Imbeciles. I'll show them. 

9. Snow provides artistic inspiration. Your poetry will be on point when you take your eyes of imagination and make the poem of the ninja rain. Let's give it a shot:

Sent from above to assassinate the sane

Is the biggest gang of all: the ninja rain

Staying indoors where you can't be anguished

Wake me up when the snow is vanquished.

Yo mama's so smart, she let you stay home.

I made hot cocoa with extra foam.

I couldn't tell you how even if I knew

Rather check out the snowiness from this view.

Which is really far away, severely in the cut.

Even better, I'll just keep my eyelids shut.

Cuz the back of 'em is a better wonderland than winter's.

Or I can enter the battlefield, eye to eye, front and center.

You think you're bad snow? Consider me Michael Jackson 

Run up to a snow man and scissor kick it in the back then

Regret your decision since your numb in cold pain.

Nothing's worse than getting punked out by the ninja rain.

Plus drawing it only requires cutting up paper. Fantastic!

10. As the snow melts, so does your freedom. It's ironic, but hear me out. When it snows, you get snow days from schools. So you don't have to do go by your average schedule. But as much as you don't like the snow, you gotta enjoy it while it lasts. But be prepared for it all to end.  Because that's just how life works. 

Now that you know all there is to know about snow, make the best of your experience with it. Plan your next one by premature grocery endeavors and last minute purchases. And when all hope fails, NETFLIX. Just NETFLIX.